When we checked Google Analytics, we were surprised to find the most searched topic on TCM was Chewbacca. Well the Captain’s conferenced and decided to give the people what they want!
Below you’ll find a clip of Chewbacca’s Lifetime Achievement Award presented to him at the 1997 MTV Awards.
I hate George Lucas’ movies, which is an ironic paradox because I love George Lucas’ movies. Let me explain. Lucas has 2 incredible franchises under his belt, both the epic Star Wars saga and Indiana Jones. By 1989, he had crafted 3 highly regarded movies a piece for both series of films. Those 6 movies I always find myself going back to, simply put they are great cinema. This is exactly where it should have ended.
Lucas has spent the last 20 years re-doing his old movies and crafting unnecessary sequels/prequels. The original Star Wars trilogy (Episodes 4-6) are considered classics, not just of the genre, but of all time. Then 14 years after it had been finished, Lucas decided he would re-release the same movies in theaters done with better graphics, and thereby ensuring a jolly box office raping. I got news for you Mr. Lucas the old ones looked just fine. Yoda is a fucking puppet, deal with it. He added some new scenery and backgrounds to preexisting scenes. Ok…I guess that’s cool, but is it necessary? I suppose that’s tolerable, but dear God, don’t add extra scenes to the movie that have nothing to do with the plot and only to show off your new computer. The new scene in Return of the Jedi, In Jabba the Hutt’s lair where the CGI creature sings a cocktail number to the crowd is particularly cringe worthy. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT ABOUT? It’s like when Frank Capra re-released It’s a Wonderful Life, with the extra digitally created scene where Clarence the Angel is taking a shit and Jimmy Stewart walks in on him and blushes. Remember that? Of course you don’t, Frank Capra was smart enough not to screw with a classic (and he’s dead).
Well, how could Lucas make more money you ask? More Star Wars movies of course! This time we got 3 new Prequels. The 1st one was unbearable, the second one was decent at best, Episode 3 is actually pretty good, but it doesn’t redeem the other 2 for existing.
Upon a drinking a few beers last night, I was engaged in one of the greatest questions of all time: how would Jabba the Hutt have sex? It’s virtually impossible looking at this beast:
Jabba is an animal. He has no visible genitalia. He is a huge fat ass that sits around and eats crazy looking lobsters for snacks.
His obsession with Princess Leia and that other crazy chick with crazy shit on her head says something – Jabba lika the ladies. But how does he perform sexually? How would the schematics of sex work between Jabba and say, Leia? Thinking about this rationally, because of the shear size of Jabba, Leia would have to do all the work.
This begs another question, how in the hell could Jabba get a woman to have sex with him? It’s not like he’s got this nice cuddly side where he secretly watches Sex in the City and enjoys longs strolls on the beach for christsake. This fucker froze his biggest enemy and hung him on the wall for decoration! Talk about badass!
There’s a lot of uncertainty here. Too many questions, not enough answers. It seems that Jabba is the precursor for the douchebag that has trophy girls surrounding him, but is unable to perform sexually. Looks like that has trophy girls surrounding him, but is unable to perform sexually. Looks like George Lucas was trying to warn us of the future?? Marinade on that!
…and when I say all of her glory, I mean a wacked-out web site dedicated to her awesome get-up in Return of the Jedi:
This was the hottest film anyone 5 years old was able to watch. Upon seeing Princess Leia, a generation of young boys realized what a boner was. If only half of them learned what to do with that boner, we’d have less IT people and the world would be a better place.
I know, this Captain has written too much about Star Wars this week, but it’s on me mind. Princess Leia and Chewbacca should have mated. There kids would’ve been cool, hairy, and hot – if any of that makes sense.
PS – TCM gives a big shout out to loyal reader “OBRIEN” for passing along this link!
You read it right friends, Chewbacca. Chewbacca might be the coolest character ever created by man. Think about it: he’s a wookie, is 8-feet tall, sports a cross-bow, and can rip the arms off any human. That is awesome.
Outside of the legions of Star Wars fans dying to be like Chewbacca, there are many other references of Chewbacca in counter-culture. Using Google alone, there are over millions of references to Chewbacca. Here are some of them:
- Chewbacca is the last surviving Wookie. Imagine being the last surviving human, hard to do right?
- Chewbacca received the lifetime achievement award at the MTV Movie awards.
- Chewbacca made it with Captain Yar’s girlfriend.
- Chewbacca is in the lyrics of The Roof is on Fire by The Bloodhound Gang.
- Chewbacca talks in gutteral noises and others can understand him. He’s simply too cool for words.
- Chewbacca once ripped the arms off of a storm trooper and beat him to death with them.
- Chewbacca influenced Johnny Cochrane to use the “Chewbacca Defense” in Southpark
- In the movie Clerks, there is a song about Chewbacca sung none by Supernova:
Stay tuned for more character references from the Captains. Word has it Captain Kirk likes those Klingons.
