• It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
• Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…
• My 4-year old nephew asked me in the car the other day “What would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?
• As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
• Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

Some of these thoughts are original, some found across the world wide internet. Feel free to let us know what you think and give us some of your own thoughts…you know if you have any.

• The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase “Regards” again.
• Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
• Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”
• There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
• I hate it when someone text messages you and you don’t feel like text messaging them back so you call instead and they don’t answer. What the fuck is that all about? You are obviously sitting right next to your phone, pick the goddamn thing up! Did you go deaf in the whole 2.2 seconds from when you text messaged me to me calling you? But then again, they could be at a very loud rock concert.
• Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…