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Memos Tagged Video Games


Drinking, Technology, Video Games
Aug132010

Greatest invention ever

Well it has happened ladies and gentlemen. It was only a matter of time, but it happened.

The Gamerator.

gamerator Greatest invention ever

Take a moment to study that photo. Looks like a normal arcade system correct? Well, it ain’t. If you will shift your eyes to the crotch area of the system, you will notice a beer tap. Yes, a beer tap. My question is why hasn’t anyone thought of this idea earlier. I mean, putting a keg inside a fully functioning arcade system? Amazing.

As well as the keg tap and video games, this piece of art comes with a 26″ flat panel HDTV, 2 conveniently-placed cup holders to house your beverage while playing, a trackball system and 2 joysticks for head to head drunken pissed off classic video game action. They also made this beast capable of hooking up to your PS3, 360, Wii, etc. as well as loading the machine up with Windows XP so you can “work from home” on those days where just going into work sucks. Which 60% of the time is always 100% of the time.

Oh, for those interested in the actual gaming part, here is a list of all the legitimate games:

TAITO Legends:
Space Invaders, Space Invaders II, Bubble Bobble, Elevator Action, Rastan, New Zealand Story, Plotting(aka Flipull), Jungle Hunt, Operation Wolf, Operation Thunderbolt, Rainbow Islands, Phoenix Colony 7, Electric YoYo, Zoo Keeper, Great Swordsman, Gladiator, Exisus, Plump Pop, Super Qix, Battle Shark, Continental, Circus, Volfied, Ninja Kids, Space Gun, ThunderFox, Tube It, Return of the Invaders, and Tokio.

Konami Classics:
Castlevania, Castlevania II, Castlevania III, Contra, Super C

Midway:
720 Degrees, Blaster Bubbles, Defender, Defender II, Gauntlet, Joust, Joust 2, Klax, Marble Madness, Paperboy, Rampage, Rampart, Road Blasters, Robotron: 2084, Root Beer Tapper, Satan’s Hollow, Sinistar, Smash TV, SPLAT!, Spy Hunter, Super Sprint, Toobin’, Vindicators.

Midway Deluxe:
Mortak Kombat, Mortal Kombat II, Mortal Kombat III, Xybots, NARC, APB, Cyberball 2072, Timber, Total Carnage, Pit Fighter, Wizard of Wor, Xenophobe, Primal Rage, Arch Rivals, Rampage World Tour, Kozmik Krooz’r, Championship Sprint, Hard Drivin’, Wakco, Badlands, Hydro Thunder, Off Road Thunder: Mud, Sweat, ‘N’ Gears, Race Drivin’, San Francisco Rush the Rock: Alcatraz Edition, San Francisco Rush 2049, S.T.U.N. Runner, Super Off Road.

Not gonna lie, pretty stoked for a beer and Mortal Kombat combo.

Get yours today for a low low price of $3,499. Start saving those empties you drunks.

Is it gay if your friend reaches in to pour a pint at the same time 2 of you are manning the arcade system? Stay tuned to find out.


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Captain of the Month
Dec212009

Captain Of The Month – December 2009

For our last Captain to highlight of 2009 we are using a long forgotten but Flintheart favorite, Captain N. Captain N was from a late 80′s/early 90′s cartoon called Captain N: The Game Master. One of the most creative TV show names in the history of the medium (The “N” stood for Nintendo).

captainn Captain Of The Month December 2009

If your not familiar with the show, the concept follows a 16 year old kid who was playing Mike Tyson’s Punch Out! on his Nintendo and gets sucked into the TV. He finds himself now living in the sweet, sweet land of Nintendo. Their is a hot princess in turmoil and he agrees to join her squad of mythic status Nintendo characters to defend the realm. We’re talking Megaman, Kid Icarus (which is strange since he comes from Greek mythology) and Simon Belmont from Castlevania, who for some reason they make into an ego inflated pretty boy. These form the core of the N-Team which also stood for Nintendo. Very, very clever.

nteam1 Captain Of The Month December 2009

It turns out villains from various Nintendo games have linked up to terrorize (and possibly rape) the princess. Fronted  by the absurd, Mother Brain from the game, Metroid who is just a huge weird ass looking head in a jar…Krang eat your heart out.

mother brain Captain Of The Month December 2009

Basically this show was my 7 year old self’s wet dream. This guy gets to hang out with Nintendo characters, use the N.E.S. gun and control pad to fight Nintendo villains and bang a hot princess at the end of the day. It’s kinda like Mario but without being fat, having a mustache and not being a Nazi sympathizer. Instead you get a varsity letter jacket.

TCM salutes you Captain N. When I was a kid you were the coolest 16 year old I could imagine. When I was 16 you were still cooler than I would ever be. We only hope you got a chance to give the power pad a work out with the Princess.

capn Kev Lana Captain Of The Month December 2009


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Movies
Sep212009

Super Mario Brothers: The Movie

SuperMarioBros TheMovie Super Mario Brothers: The Movie

Does anyone else remember this insect laden steaming pile of feces? When I was a kid, I was a Mario Brothers fanatic. I had not one but two Mario themed birthday parties. So when the movie was released in 1993, I was expecting a magnum opus of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle proportions. What I got was my first taste of Hollywood churning out bullshit to capitalize on market trends.

I honestly don’t know where to start with this movie. Even the poster doesn’t make a lick of sense, that should give you a clue to how shitastic this thing really is. How about the fact that we finally find out Mario and Luigi’s last name. Don’t remember that? I’ll give you a hint. It’s fucking Mario. That’s right, Mario Mario and Luigi Mario. Seriously. You couldn’t come up with anything better than that Hollywood? That one sounds REAL Italian.

How about the fact that John Leguizamo plays Luigi? When I think of an Italian, he is usually the first person that pops in my mind, well I guess either him or Mr. T. It’s seriously like they didn’t even try. And why on earth would Dennis Hopper sign on to play Bowser? I hope he shot his agent or at least bludgedon him to death after this movie was released.

The plot is useless. Apparentlly, a huge comet hit the earth billions of years ago, which created a parallel universe where all the dinosaurs went and man than evolved from said dinosaurs. Princess Daisy (where the fuck is Princess Toadstool?) gets nabbed while she’s an NYU student digging under the Brooklyn bridge for fossils. Mario and Luigi than have to save her. Oh, and Toad is a southern street performer who chooses to oppose Koopa through non violent protest and sing political anti-Koopa songs.

Really?

What a shit load of fuck. I’m surprised Hollywood hasn’t tried to reboot the series, as the Mario franchise has only become more popular and it’s games have reached a whole new younger audience. Especially given the trend that Hollywood has followed only raping pre-existing ideas from the 80′s and early 90′s. I should have put this one on my list of movies I wish I never saw…


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Video Games
Jun182009

Jurassic Fight Club

Picture Street Fighter but with dinosaurs. Ok, maybe not as cool as that but it is a fighting game with dinosaurs nonetheless. You have a choice of several types of lizards to duke it out with. You can play as either a male or female Majungatholus (Named by Wayne Campbell), the King of Jurassic Park Mr. T-Rex, the always horny Triceratops, the oddly shaped Stegosaurus and the polygamous one of the bunch, the Utahraptor.

Battle your way to dino supremacy. But always remember the 1st rule of Jurassic Fight Club: You DO NOT talk about Jurassic Fight Club or the Majungatholus will bite your dick off.

dinowar Jurassic Fight Club

Waste more time at work! Now with Dinosaurs!


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Video Games
Jun152009

Ghostbusters: The Video Game Review

ghostbusters video game Ghostbusters: The Video Game Review

Ghostbusters, I’m just gonna say it. Quite possibly the single greatest movie ever. I am sure many of you will disagree with me, but this is our website so whatever we say is right. Even if we think that, although Hitler was a mega-douche, his mustache was quite stylish. But that is neither here nor there. I am here today to talk about the 3rd installment to the series we all know and love.

Characters

ghostbusters music video Ghostbusters: The Video Game Review

You will be happy to know that all 4 original Ghostbusters are back lending their writing expertise and voices. Dan Aykroyd as Ray Stanz, Harold Ramis as Egon Spengler, Bill Murray as Peter Venkman and who can forget the token black guy, Ernie Hudson as Winston Zeddmore. Janine Melnitz is voiced as well by the original actress. But the one voice I am pleasantly surprised to know is back…the lovable dickless man himself, Walter Peck. The voice acting is good, but sometimes the body language of the characters doesn’t quite match up with the tone of the voice which kind of stinks, but fuck it all 4 original Ghostbusters are back. Murray however can use some polishing up on his Venkman. He doesn’t quite sound as enthusiastic as he did back in ’84.

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News, Video
Jun22009

Project Natal – The Future of Video Games

First there was Pong. Then, there was Tetris on a portable device. Soon after, Nintendo’s wireless controller. Then the internet gave way to the future of video games by having them download, rather than using a disk. Now Microsoft, with it’s endless array of resources, is fighting back and taking the the gaming world by storm. Introducing the next generation of video games.

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