Have you ever seen or heard of that TV show, “Say Yes to the Dress”? If you have then you know it is a goddamn shit show. These cunt bag bridezilla’s go to this world famous wedding dress shop and find their “dream dress”. But of course not without consulting their mom, their grandmother, their aunt, their best friend, their neighbor and that homeless woman who lives down the block that always seems to be wasted on Montezuma Tequila and wearing a new pair of shoes. So after everyone’s approval, they shell out anywhere between $5,000 and like $20,000 for a dress they will wear once. Once.
You see, the great thing about being the groom is you can rent your tuxedo and return it when you are done with it. Plain and simple. You don’t have to go and get it dry cleaned and then have it properly folded so it sits nicely on the shelf in a box never to be opened again. Unless you get divorced…or really pissed at your wife.
Well, this guy just so happened to get divorced and his wife did not take along her wedding dress. So instead of throwing it out, this man decided he would make full use out of it. Like using it as a grill cover, sporting event sign, MC Hammer pants and a homeless blanket. He is trying to get 101 uses out of it but isn’t quite there yet. I figure I would help him out. Here’s #101: Drench the wedding dress in chloroform and smother your ex-wife with it. You see what I did there? Yep. Just did.
In all honesty if I was him, what I would have done is immediately wiped my ass with the dress, wiped my dogs ass, piss on it, have my dog piss on it, then burn it listening to this while drinking Montezuma Tequila with the homeless woman mentioned above. But that’s just me. I suppose he wants to hang on to it for as long as possible. Sad? No. Just give the man some time.
