Top 10 3rd World Nations

The next installment of our ever popular Top 10 lists are 3rd World Nations. I figure I would do a list about them because I can make fun of them and they will never see it! You know, cause they are poor…they don’t have computers…probably don’t even know what the internet is…can’t read…yea, you get it.

Before we get started, I bet you are asking, what makes a country 3rd in the world? Well according to an extremely reliable source (UrbanDictionary.com), a 3rd World country is:

Derived from a time when the communist states were referred to as the second world, the third world is the less economically developed countries that hugely rely on richer countries.

Ok, all caught up? Good, now without further adieu I give you the top 10 list of the shittiest 3rd World Countries:

#10 – The Deep South

Yes I know the “Deep South” is not a country and is not 3rd World, but if any of you have been out in the sticks and seen the local trailer park, you would be convinced that you are in a 3rd World Country. Lets break this down quickly as to why they would be. First, inbreeding is still the “thing to do” down there. Second, drinking and being pregnant apparently mix. And third, diet and exercise still have yet to be discovered. So, what if the South won the Civil War? (FYI, according to the South they did win the Civil War, don’t tell them otherwise) They would be another country, and by the looks of our friends above, I would most certainly classify them as 3rd World.

#9 – Yemen

Looking at a map of the country of Yemen what is the first thing you think of? That’s right, a midget trying to put his penis in the ass of Somalia. From what I hear, it smells like a midget’s dick there too. Now, I don’t really know much about this country except that it harbors terrorists and is located in the magical land of the Middle East. Sooner or later, this place will be part of the newly created Middle East Ocean.

#8 – Madagascar

How are you considered a 3rd world country when a movie named after your country is the 6th highest grossing animated film of all time? $527,890,631 worldwide to be exact. Not to mention a few sequals as well. If I were the president of Madagascar I would be asking for some royalties ASAP. Ben Stiller & Chris Rock as animal voices=FAIL. But man those penguins were pretty funny. Anyways, this cruise ship shaped island is #8 because it is too much of a pussy to get the money it deserves.

#7 – Ethiopia

Well, I can’t really put down Ethiopia because I am a huge fan of reggae and a majority of reggae stars are Rasta’s and this is where their movement began. This country is looked at as Zion (Holy Land!). Emperor Haile Selassie I (as mentioned in copious amounts of Mr. Marley’s music) is supposedly the reincarnate of Jah (aka God). Yes people! You are actually learning from TCM! I could go on and on about Rastafarianism but that would bore the shit out of you. So I will leave it off with…Eat some jahdamn food people!

#6 – Cuba

For Cuba, I am going to quote the great Dave Attell:

Florida looks like a gigantic penis! Doesn’t it? Have you ever googled it? It looks like a gigantic peener! About to shoot a load of freedom all over Cuba. A bukkake of choices and ideas.

Which is why Cuba is #6.

#5 – North Korea

This country is low on the list of 3rd world countries that it technically really isn’t one. But since their leader kind of looks like Bloodsport fighter Bolo Yueng if he was an old woman with a serious attitude, I gotta throw this one up there. If I’m not mistaken North Korea just fired a couple of missiles to prove to us 1st world countries, that they mean business. I wonder what was in those missiles? I can only assume they were action figures of their fearless old woman looking leader, Kim Jong Il.

#4 – Saudi Arabia

Why wouldn’t you put a country on this list that beats their women if they are caught driving a car!? O wait, that is pretty much all of the Middle East. So yea, I think we have come to a conclusion today that the Middle East blows and Saudi Arabia is smack right in the middle of that pretty shitty gang bang.

#3 – Iraq

Iraq has always sucked ass as a country. During his rule, Saddam Hussein was kind of a dick which kind of rubbed off on the people who live there. I guess it didn’t help that G.W. was kind of a dick as well (That’s all I’m saying!) which didn’t help the Iraqi people like us anymore than we liked them. Again, I have to say I think things would be different if we had a Black Bush. But his days are over and the Iraqi’s probably still hate us. But that’s OK, we still hate you too.

#2 – Afghanistan

Per capita, more people live in caves in this country than anywhere else in the world. So what does that tell you? That these people are fucking retarded. I gotta tell you, it is quite rad to live in a house that has a TV and indoor plumbing. Apparently Osama Bin Laden still is at large in this country. I’ve got the solution to flush his ass out of his cave. Unleash about 600-850 rabid bears into the countryside and wait about a week. Two solutions can come out of this plan. Either he runs for his life from the bears into our strong democratic arms, or he is eaten. Plain and simple. Worst case scenario though, he could tame the bears and use them as Bear Cavalry. Yea, we’d pretty much be fucked then.

#1 – Somalia

This is one of the only countries on this list that has its own set of pirates! Yes folks, modern day pirates. Instead of schooners, cannons and swords, they are equipped with motorboats, AK-47s and Rocket Launchers. I don’t think you would say no to a bunch of guys trying to board your vessel with an RPG pointed at your head. The reason I think these guys are so pissed off at life is because Yemen is trying to stick its midget dick in their ass. Hey, I’d be pretty pissed off too. So in retaliation they made pirates and wreak havoc amongst everyone else! I personally think Somalia should take up a personal vendetta with Yemen and declare a pirate war. That would be a tad bit sweet to see these 2 shit ass nations go at it on the high seas. Captain Blackbeard would be proud.