People love top 10′s and people love to die. So, why not make a top 10 about the coolest way to kick the bucket.
#10 – Head Exploding From A Super-Sneeze
You either like to sneeze or don’t, there is no in between. So this one is on the fence about being cool or not. Which is why I have this listed at #10. Although, you should though considering the following, ”Sneezing is better than sex. It’s a mini-instant orgasm. You keep your clothes on, you don’t get involved, you can do it in public and when you’re done, perfect strangers bless you”. The one cool thing about dying this way is that your head explodes. Never seen or forgot what that looks like? Check out the famous exploding head scene from the movie Scanners. That should sway you to the proper side of the fence.
#9 – Bus Crash On The Playboy Bus
Being on a bus straight out sucks. But, being on a bus full of Playboy models…well that doesn’t suck quite as much. I would without a doubt go out smiling if our bus was hurdling off a cliff and I was surrounded by Miss January, Miss April and Miss August of any year up to and including 2005.
#8 -Shot Out Of A Canon (On Fire, that one is totally up to you)
Ever go to the circus and see that human projectile being shot out of a canon? Yes, we all have. And how many of you have wished that that guy missed the safety net falling to his untimely death? Yea, us too. Well, to die knowing the last thing you did was being shot out of a canon, that is pretty freakin’ cool. Add +52 man points if you are on fire.
#7 – Flying Battle Axe To The Skull
Picture yourself as a soldier during a “Braveheart” type battle setting. Now, imagine running full speed at your enemy with either a sword, a battle axe, a club with nails sticking out, a battle mace, a herring, etc… I bet you are picturing yourself kicking ass with one or all of those weapons. Everything is going great, then bam! your dead. You opted not to wear a helmet to the fight, and you are now dead by a flying battle axe. That fucker threw that thing clear across the battlefield, and being the lucky bastard you are, it hit you right in the skull. That is most excellent.
#6 – Eaten By A Shark
Face it, we all want to be eaten by a shark and we all love shark week. How many episodes have we watched where they show up close, a Great White chomping down on some poor seal. Or better yet, watching a Great White get some serious air-time hunting down a seal. That is pretty bad ass to us, which is why this is #6 on our most badass ways to die list.
#5 – Eaten By A Pack Of Velociraptors
Remember, this is the top 10 most badass ways to die list and it does not have to be realistic by any means. Just wait till you get to #1. Anyways, this would be a super badass way to die. Muldoon from Jurassic Park, died in exactly this manor. I remember when I first saw that scene I stood up and saluted Mr. Muldoon after he was eaten. Not to mention this is probably the scariest way to die on this list.
#4 – Dying In A Threesome
Sex by yourself. Awesome. Sex with someone else. Amazing. Sex with 2 other people. Well lets just say Jesus ain’t got shit on that. But to die going at it with 2 beautiful women (men for the ladies…or midgets for Captain Kirk) is just a fantastic way to go out. This guy in Russia thought so. #4 it is.
#3 – Falling On A Grenade Saving Your Platoon’s Lives
During battle, if you dive on a grenade to save others lives without second guessing, you deserve to be king of the world. But you are dead, so you can’t be that. You can be #3 on our list.
#2 – Dying Making The Final Play To Win The Superbowl/Stanley Cup/Pennant/Basketball’s Trophy
I am a true hockey fan, and I’d say about 80% of you aren’t, so I’ll go with a Superbowl example.
Two seconds left and its in the 4th quarter. 4th and goal. Quarterback yells hike and you run into the endzone. The QB throws you the ball, you jump up and make an amazing one handed catch. The cornerback on the other team, hits you at full throttle with you still in flight. You do an amazing flip in the air, so amazing that your helmet comes flying off due the awesome G force. You smash head first into the ground breaking your neck instantaneously–killing you–but you are still holding the ball to make the touchdown and win the game, in front of millions of viewers. Everyone would go so nuts they wouldn’t even know you were dead. So, about 10 minutes and 17 seconds later, someone would finally realize that you have not gotten up yet. That would make for the single greatest Superbowl game in the history of ever and #2 on our list.
#1 – Get A Nuclear Tipped Crossbow, Shoot 500 Arrows Into The Air, Set Loose 300 Feral Kittens And 47 Grizzly Bears And Let Them Fight It Out, Then Set Yourself On Fire And Wait For The Nuclear Tipped Arrows To Hit The Ground.
Simple but epic.
If you have ideas for future top 10 lists, let us know by commenting below.
I had thought the threesome would be magnificent but I was expecting more of a James Bond experience than a crunchy cereal thing.
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High speed motorcycle chase with the LAPD and fly off the side of a busy freeway going 200+mph… Leave on a note like that people won’t forget, no sir!