Top 10 Movie’s And Their Sequels.

Top 10 movie’s and their sequels is something I have been cooking up for sometime now. It is a carefully constructed list with nothing left out…except Godfather & Godfather II. I left those out on purpose because A) it is my list, B) I have never seen any Godfathers and C) I do not want to see any Godfathers. If any of you turds comment below about how that is blasphemy, I will hunt you down and bite your dick off.

Ok, well here is my list, enjoy it, don’t enjoy it…that is entirely up to you pooheads.

#10 – Bourne Identity & Bourne Supremacy

Matt Damon can be considered a respectable actor in my book only because he was in my favorite movie of all time, EuroTrip. Granted he was only in it for like 5 minutes and sang a sweet song about some kid named Scott not knowing that he was fucking his girlfriend, he most definitely stole the show. But we aren’t here to talk about EuroTrip or Matt Damon’s penis, we are here to discuss the super badass Bourne Identity and Supremacy. I’d like to first say that the actress they chose to be Jason Bourne’s “girlfriend” was highly questionable. They could have most certainly chosen a much hotter chick. In the Bourne Supremacy, the writers must have realized this and quickly killed her off, which a reason why this movie is on this list. O yea, and because no one in the world can kick Jason Bourne’s ass. Except maybe Mr. T.

#9 – Drunken Master & Drunken Master II

Jackie Chan in the beginning of his movie career = awesome. Jackie Chan in his present movie career = not so awesome. This is why I have The Drunken Master & Drunken Master II on this list. They were in the beginning of his career and are goddamn awesome movies. I am a huge fan of Kung-Fu movies. In the sequel, there is a scene where Mr. Chan takes on an ax gang. Yes, you heard that correctly, a gang of a good 200 guys or so armed with axes. Miraculously, Jackie fights his way past the gang unscathed. If that was me, 100% chance I wouldn’t have made it past the first guy. I’d probably be in the corner of the room crying and shitting my pants until I was hacked to death, but that’s a whole other story altogether. It could possibly be one of the most intense fight sequences I’ve seen in a great while. You can view the intensity right here. This particular scene though, Jackie isn’t practicing the art of Drunken Boxing. No, for that drunken masterpiece click here. Now go out, get drunk and pick a fight. But don’t come crying to us when you get bitch slapped by the bouncer.

#8 – Ghostbusters I & II

A lot of you are really pissed off at my right now by including these on the list. Sure Ghostbusters is possibly one of the single greatest movies ever, but unfortunately the same can’t be fully said about the sequel. While GBII is in its own right an awesome movie, it isn’t the original. The reason I put this on the list is solely because of the sheer awesomeness of how the movie is played out. The Ghostbusters are pretty much out of business and working children’s parties to make a living. But since this is a movie, you know some shit is going to go down. I love how the premise of the movie is to show how much New Yorkers are assholes. You see, the slime under the street is flowing like a river because essentially, everyone in NYC is a dickhead. So yea, the Ghostbusters save the day with some help from the Statue of Liberty and Cher. I also included this on the list because quite possibly one of the greatest characters ever was in this movie. He simply goes by the name of Dr. Janosz (Yanush) Poha. Don’t know him? Watch and learn, baby diapers.

#7 – Wayne’s World 1 & 2

Wow, some of you are really pissed off about this one. I can’t really say many movies that came out of SNL were truly good, let alone their sequels if they had any. Wayne’s World 1 & 2 were a truly great exception. In the first film, we met Wayne & Garth. We found out that Garth didn’t have any pubes, their love of the Chicago Blackhawks and good ol’ rock and roll. Wayne met Cassandra and Rob Lowe tries to steal her from him, he does it with many laughs along the way and they all live happily ever after. The second film rivals the first in terms of hilarity. You will all be happy to know though that Garth did finally get his pubes, his football phone, Stanley Cup 100 Years of Glory tape and the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue. The “villain” in this move tops the previous solely because he is played by none other than Chris Walken. He does a bang out job at stealing Cassandra from Wayne yet again as to where he is about to marry her but Wayne of course saves the day. RIP Chris Farley is a fantastic addition.

Little story I’d like to tell you quickly. So there I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at about 3 o’clock in the morning, looking for 1000 brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn’t go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head ’round the door, and mentions there’s a little sweets shop on the edge of town. So – we go. And – it’s closed. So there’s me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby, breaking into that little sweets shop, eh. Well, instead of a guard dog, they’ve got this bloody great big Bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shop keeper and his son… that’s a different story altogether. I had to beat them to death with their own shoes…

#6 – Rocky I & II

Rocky ends with a draw. So, what are you gonna do? That’s right, make Rocky II. Apollo Creed and his jive talkin’ ass want a re-match. Rocky and Burgess Meredith accept and begin to train to take the title away from Apollo. Guess what, Rocky beats Apollo and is now the champ. So yea…that’s all I really have to say about these movies. They are good and #6 on my list. On a side note, I just so happen to think that Rocky and Rambo are one in the same. I don’t know, just a thought.

#5 – Terminator & Terminator 2: Judgment Day

For me personally, it is difficult to watch any movies staring Arnold and not laugh thinking that this guy is running the State of California. Most especially Conan the Barbarian and the Terminator series. Fortunately for Arnold, the Terminator movies are excellent. The concept of the films are pretty rad if I say so myself. A cyborg comes back in time to 1984 to kill John Connor’s mom so he isn’t born. Arnold ultimately fails and is crushed by the woman he came to kill. 10 years later, Arnold returns to protect John Connor only to have to fight off T-1000 (Who makes an awesome cameo in Wayne’s World 2) who is now trying to kill John. So Arnold kills T-1000 and then for some reason, he himself has to be killed too. Don’t know why, but again he is crushed. John Connor then grows up to become Christian Bale and attempt to save humanity by making a shitty movie while his mother, Sarah Connor gets an exclusive TV deal but ultimately fails and the show is canceled. Boo hoo.

#4 – Back to the Future & Back to the Future II

These movies are the ones you catch while browsing the TV on a Sunday and watch which is why they come in at numero 4. The first one has some definite creeper moments. Like the fact that Marty McFly is friends with a 60 something wacko scientist who just so happens to have a DeLorean that travels through time. Doc might as well just get nude and offer Marty a lolipop. So, Doc is gunned down by some Libyan’s and Marty escaped in the car to 1955 where he meets his parents when they were teenagers. The second creeper moment is that Marty’s mom has the hots for Marty. Nasty. So pretty much Marty busts out some Chuck Berry at the prom, drives 1955 Biff Tannen into a truck of manure and saves the day. The second one Biff Tannen steals a sports almanac from 2015 and brings it back to 1955 Biff Tannen who then becomes rich and marries a very slutty Lorraine McFly. Marty comes back to 1985 only to find out that black folks live in his home…..

So yea, once again Marty and Doc save the day and everyone lives happily ever after…even Biff Tannen.

#3 – Raiders of the Lost Ark & Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

I suppose if his first name was Louisiana these movies would have had Shaft as the leading actor and not Harrison Ford. But that was not the case, and 2 excellent movies were made. Not to say that Shaft wouldn’t have made excellent movies, believe me, he has…have you ever seen Shaft in Africa!? It’s life changing. But that’s not why we are here. Raiders of the Lost Ark is a fantastic movie. The beginning sequence is one of the most famous scenes from any movie. Jones, using his “Running from the cops speed” is able to out run all of the traps he encounters after taking the golden statue. Unfortunately though for Indy, the Indians who inhabit the area wait outside and take back their statue. Indy again running for his life hops on his sea plane and escapes. So yea, you all know what happens in that movie. The sequel, The Temple of Doom is just as good if not better than the first. There is one scene still haunts my dreams to this day. The part where the Temple of Doom CEO rips out the heart of that guy. My question, how is he still alive after that? I think 100% of human beings on this earth would be dead. Correct me if I’m wrong, but removing a heart usually equals death. O well, it doesn’t matter, the Asian kid from Goonies is in the movie which makes everything ok.

#2 – Star Wars & Empire Strikes Back

I am not a huge Star Wars fan unlike Flintheart, but for the sake of these being excellent movies, they sit at #2. We all know Star Wars was the first of it’s kind to be like that with all of those special effects and Wookies. Not to mention it being a good movie. In the second, Empire Strikes Back, the opening battle scene is what made this movie great. The movie could have ended right after that battle and I would have walked away a happy man. Much like a man who has just finished eating a 72oz. steak challenge with a t-shirt that says, “I survived the 72oz. steak challenge” and a Polaroid of himself holding the greasy, empty plate. But the film doesn’t end there. No, we are introduced to Yoda. You know, the little green guy who you aren’t sure if he is the child of a human and a rabbit or just some dwindled down old man who’s ears didn’t stop growing. I suppose George Lucas wanted to keep that his little secret. We also are introduced to our main man here at TCM, Jabba the Hut. An ongoing question here is how in the goddamn hell does this blob have sex? He obviously likes the ladies, how does he bust his nut? Again Mr. Lucas is holding out. Someone needs to get his ass on the horn and find this shit out ASAP. But yea, these are 2 excellent movies so I figured #2 was appropriate.

#1 – Batman Begins & The Dark Knight

Some of you might be questioning my ability to make feasible top 10 lists with this one. Well eat shit and die then. The 2 newest Batman’s are extremely excellent movies. Especially when compared to Adam West as Batman. The director took the path of making these Batman’s more realistic and it worked out fantastic. The first one we find out that Batman is a ninja and does ninja things in his Batman outfit with what quite possibly the THE most badass Batmobile EVER. It doesn’t hurt that he has Michael Caine as his butler either. The second film, Dark Knight, is the better of the 2 because of the villain, the Joker. Granted Heath Ledger is no Jack Nicholson but it is unfair to compare the 2 because how the film is played out. I’d laugh if I saw Jack Nicholson as the Joker, not so much Heath Ledger. It would probably be me on the verge of piss pantsing myself. One gripe I have with the film, is again, the choice of the lead female actress. It was Katie Cruise in the first one and Maggie Gyllenhaal in the second. Both played the same character. That has always been an issue with me when you can’t get the same actor/actress to play the same part in the sequel. Granted Rachel Dawes (the character) was annoying as shit so I could care less, but at least step up your game of choosing a good actress. Cameron Diaz would have been a better choice…not cause of acting talent, god no, just because she is pretty hot. Anyways, these are #1 because they are fucking awesome movies. Now someone call Danny DeVito, we need someone to play the Penguin…again.

Honorable Mentions: Pee Wee’s Big Adventure & Big Top Pee Wee, Alien & Aliens